Mother-in-law sneaks meat into vegetarian daughter-in-law's meals, her 29-year-old boyfriend refuses to stick up for her: 'That's not a misunderstanding, that's sabotage'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Oct 25, 2025 12:00 PM EDT

Everyone is allowed to have their own dietary preferences, whether you like them or not. They're allowed to eat what they want to, and that includes when they're at your house. You don't have to accommodate them, but… it would be nice to. If you care about them and want to have them in your life, then you should make some sort of effort to include them in your dinner plans. Especially when it's as simple as being a vegetarian. That is a pretty cut-and-dry dietary restriction. Cultures have been acknowledging it for centuries, so if you don't get it, that's on you. 

It's one thing to ignore someone's dietary restrictions. It's a whole other thing to force them to eat something they don't want to against their will. You wouldn't sneak peanut butter into the meal of someone with a peanut allergy unless you were trying to seriously harm them. So why would you sneak meat into a vegetarian's meal? Just to prove a point? I don't think that would end up having the effect you'd want it to. 

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  • A woman trepidatiously takes a bite of food from a spoon.
    via Michael Lee

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • That's what happened in this story, where a beloved daughter-in-law wanted to stop coming to her boyfriend's family's house because she couldn't trust their food. After laying down the law again and again, she just wouldn't get the memo. And her boyfriend proved to be not much help. Read on to see what happened in this story. 

  • Am I in the wrong for not eating my MIL's food?

    I (24 F) have been together with my boyfriend (29 M) for 3 years now. We are from different cultural backgrounds, although it's not very noticeable in our everyday lives or in the relationship in general.
    via u/Unhealthystudent-316
  • I have been a vegetarian for 10 years now. It was something I chose in my early teens, as I have always felt a deep connection to animals. It was always respected by my family and was never a problem in our household. That said I have always, and I mean ALWAYS, respected everyone's personal decisions. I would never even suggest to someone that they should become a vegetarian - that is not my choice, not my life, and not my business. -
    via u/Unhealthystudent-316
  • So, I have obviously gotten to know my boyfriend's family well during the 3 years that we have been together. I like them all a lot - even love them. His father is welcoming and warm, his siblings are funny and kind, and all of them try to help me understand all of their conversations (me and my boyfriend have different native languages). The only issue I have
    via u/Unhealthystudent-316
  • experienced is with his mother. Don't get me wrong, I like his mother, I really do; however, there has been one reccuring problem that has grown more evident throughout the years. The main topic of conflict between me and my boyfriend's mother is the fact that my "MIL" is always
    via u/Unhealthystudent-316
  • trying to serve me meat. She insists on serving me dishes with either larger pieces of meat, or sometimes even disguises it by mixing small chunks of meat throughout the dish. She has also insisted that a meal is vegetarian while actually using broth made from meat and bones. She usually says that something is vegetarian, so that I will try it, and later reveals that it is actually made from meat.
    via u/Unhealthystudent-316
  • I understand that it sometimes can be difficult to know which products are vegetarian and which are not. The issue, however, is that I have tried, time and time again, to explain and clarify what I can and cannot eat. The first few times I visited their home, I had to turn down food with meat in it and explain why. After that, she started "hiding" the fact that some dishes are made with meat.
    via u/Unhealthystudent-316
  • My boyfriend has stood up for me a few times and told his mom off for continuing to serve me meat- based food, as it can also cause my stomach to become quite upset. He has, however, also said that it is considered rude of me to refuse to eat his mother's food and has explained her actions as a difference in culture. He has even been mad at me for implying that his mom can't cook, or that I don't respect their culture.
    via u/Unhealthystudent-316
  • I, of course, do not refuse to eat everything my "MIL" cooks, but at some point, I started getting. frustrated and suspicious of some of the things she cooks. I have even asked my boyfriend if I can cook, or at least help cook, my own meal (this did not help the situation). I understand that there are cultural differences, and I really do not want to come off as rude, inconsiderate or ungrateful, as she is hosting us both when we visit their home. But at some point, I feel like I need to stand u
    via u/Unhealthystudent-316

  • Commenters had a lot to say about this overstepping mother in law.

    icecreampenis • 15h ago I, of course, do not refuse to eat everything my "MIL" cooks Well you fucking should. Disregarding consent is not cultural. I would never step foot in her house again. Disgusting behavior.
    via u/icecream*****
  • delfinis7 15h ago . That's not a misunderstanding, that's sabotage, You've been way too polite.
    via u/delfinis7
  • A young woman is about to take a bite of food at a family dinner table.
    via Unsplash+ (Ahmed)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • Filosifee 15h ago NTA - this is not a cultural difference. I've traveled a lot and lived in many places and I've never encountered a culture where part of that culture is "force people to eat something they don't want to".
    via u/Filosifee
  • Your bf needs to get on the same page as you because this is him intentionally supporting his mom in routinely violating your boundaries. This isn't going to change unless you force him to. But be prepared for the answer to be he's momma's boy and doesn't respect you. Because from this it doesn't sound like he respects you at all.
    via u/Filosifee
  • CrazyOldBag • 15h ago NTA. However, this is a losing proposition. Your boyfriend has told you it's rude to not eat his mother's food, so your relationship is not going to survive unless you stop being vegetarian. The clash of cultures is apparently too much for him.
    via u/CrazyOldBag
  • If the bf were to cut off his family for you, there would be resentment and anger. Your best bet here is to end the relationship.
    via u/CrazyOldBag
  • KetoLurkerHereAg... . 16h ago NTA She probably wants her son to be with someone from their culture and is being passive- aggressive about it.
    via u/KetoLurkerHereAgain
  • JustWowinCA • 15h ago This, and I'm saying this with all kindness and sincerity, is a red flag. You have a boyfriend problem in addition to his mom being a problem. So, you are writing this because you know what the answer is, but as your friendly internet person I'll underline the answer for you. Stay with him and be disrespected, or leave. You're NTA.
    via u/JustWowinCA
  • Sheibe123 15h ago NTA If he will not stand up to his mom and tells you that you MUST eat meat, reconsider this relationship. He values his mother's feelings more than your health
    via u/Sheibe123
  • Anxious-Routine-5... 15h ago • NTA. Stop eating meals with her unless you've cooked yourself or you eat out. She knows what she's doing and doesn't care about your beliefs, preferences, or making you ill. She wants you to conform and respect her norms/culture without giving you the same benefit.
    via u/Anxious-Routine-5526
  • kurokomainu • 15h ago NTA There are a few different issues at play here, but your boyfriend first has to understand that sometimes there is only a binary choice. available and as you are a vegetarian that choice is to abandon your vegetarianism or assert it even when that is inconvenient in a social
    via u/kurokomainu
  • situation. There is no option to abandon it temporarily if someone wants to offer you a meat dish just to play nice. Besides, his mother is hiding meat and lying. That is an issue in itself. I think if your boyfriend can't get beyond the simple "my mother is offended my girlfriend won't eat her cooking" step and look at the actual, complex. situation then your main problem is with him.
    via u/kurokomainu
  • Financial_Bowl9440 • 15h ago There is no culture that excuses this. None. You are definitely NTA. Also, for context, my MIL learned how to make vegetarian food, becoming mostly one herself. She also tries the vegan options at new restaurants and let's me know
    via u/Financial_Bowl9440
  • what they're like. And if it's a big meal, she keeps food separate for me then adds the meat to the dish for everyone else. She's so cool. That's the kind of MIL you deserve.
    via u/Financial_Bowl9440
  • MzLa3rinity2001 • 15h ago NTA. Pay attention. This could be a deal-breaker. If she doesn't respect you enough to listen to you about something as important and sensitive as this - your beliefs and food preferences, what more when you are married and with kids? She will take over your lives. Maybe have a serious talk with bf. And perhaps see this as a warning and a way out.
    via u/MzLa3rinity2001
  • ohwhatnowFFS 15h ago . This has nothing to do with culture, it is a simple lack of respect. NTA
    via u/ohwhatnowFFS
  • Hailstar07 • 15h ago NTA. Would she do the same thing if you were lactose intolerant, coeliac or had an allergy? Or even if you keep halal or kosher? It's no different in my opinion. I would honestly rethink the relationship, if you hope to marry and have children with this man, how can you ever trust his mother won't do the same thing to your children? In the case of allergies this could kill someone.
    via u/Hailstar07
  • mightywarrior411 • 15h ago . NTA. I can't believe she does that to you. She's controlling. Set boundaries early because this is only going to get worse if you marry him. And if you decide to have kids, proceed with caution around her with them. Your bf is a major enabler and needs to cut the cord. He needs to learn boundaries with his mother
    via u/mightywarrior4116
  • • awkwardlyherdingcats 15h ago NTA. I would only agree to have a meal with them at a restaurant where you can order your own food from now on. She's destroyed any trust you have in her cooking.
    via u/awkwardlyherdingcats
  • CestLaquoidarling • 15h ago NTA. It upset your digestion. No matter her culture I'm sure she understands the difference between animal and vegetables. Some things like not knowing some sauces, wines or beer use animal products can be forgiven but beef broth or chicken broth has animal right in the names.
    via u/CestLaquoidarling
  • It is not rude to refuse food that is against your principles, if you are allergic or you just really don't like it. What is rude is trying to trick people into eat food you know they would otherwise refuse. Have a heart to heart with your bf that either his mom stops lying or you will need to blanket refuse all her food across the board. It is up to him to deliver the message that he would like his mother to stop giving you food that makes you ill.
    via u/CestLaquoidarling

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